[rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] ROVE CHATS TO HG NELSON (ROVE 1999) ROVE: How are you my friend? HG: Well I'm all the better for seeing two blokes kissing on Channel Nine. There's nothing more I like than seeing blokes on Channel Nine dressing up as women and kissing blokes pretending to be other blokes! I'm in the pink! I'm as fit as a bloody trout! ROVE: That's what it's all about... HG: It is, it is... ROVE Very much so HG: Look, I just thought that if only we could continue with the kissing theme throughout the evening, we could here begin to bring world peace through the ROVE show. ROVE: Well, you know that's what we try and do... HG: So have you set yourself that goal? ROVE: Pretty much so... HG: In 2000...peace around the world! ROVE: We keep thinking, right, we'll try to get blokes pretend they're kissing other blokes, drag work, and as many Tonia Toddman references as we can fit in. Make the world a better place! HG: Yes true, there's not enough Tonia Toddman to go round is there? ROVE: No, isn't that always the way?! HG: Yes, it is. She's a generous soul, but I just don't think there's quite enough to go all the way around... ROVE: Here's hopin'...Now tell us about the good book. Now, I've got it here and I am mere impressed, especially by the cover...now there's one thing I like here - it's one of those moveable covers... HG: Yeah, hours of fun... ROVE: It's one Antonio Samaranch on the cover and you check this out...oy! (yeah Rove's playing with the cover) HG: Look, for too long, covers have just been covers. Covers have just sat there. Covers have done bugger all. But I believe that people can go take covers to a new dimension, simply by having tags on them so as when you're really cut late at night, you can fiddle about like this. You know...you've had a couple of jars, you've just rolled a couple of logs...hours of fun...and then you can impress girls by doing this...hey babe, get a load of my smile now... ROVE: See, I would believe that there are people at home right now under that state of mind and you entertain them to no end! HG: Well that's the great thing about television. It's as simple as buggery, as you've no doubt discovered... ROVE: You have no idea... HG: You've got to have gimmicks. ROVE: Oh yeah, we invented a dance. HG: Oh yeah, and having blokes kissing blokes, thats a real gimmick...you can stick with that one...and having three people sit on a couch like that, that's a really good gimmick too. The cover of the book, you need it to stand out from the rest of the covers on the shelves there. ROVE: Well, that's what we're trying to do, and that's what you're trying to do. HG: Are you thinking of writing a book yourself? ROVE: I don't know that I could...how long did it take you to write this? HG: Quite a long while, quite a long while... ROVE: Really, tough slog... HG: Yeah, and the illustrations... ROVE: Now this is what I loved about it. The illustrations are just outstanding. HG: James Debrice did the illustrations. I can't claim that I had any hand in the illustrations, but I just wrote the words and he bloody knocked up these pictures! ROVE: Oh, so did you suggest possible illustrations for the book? HG: I did. I did....he rejected them all! ROVE: So what's the book about primarily? HG: Well it's sort of a showbag about things to do with the Olympic Games in Sydney. Basically, "It's Yours for a Sawnoff"...when I started writing it there was a lot of suggestion that cities, particularly Salt Lake City and Nagano got the winter Olympics because they were able to swap fabulous favours. ROVE: yep... HG: You know, freebie roots, kids going to high schools, liposuction, that sort of thing to IOC delegates who might like that. In return for putting their hand up in the air and saying yeah okay, the games can go to Salt Lake City. Well my idea was that Sydney got the games because they found an old shotgun that Ned Kelly had used at Glenrowan and this was enough to convince the IOC that the games should come to Sydney. Very slim idea for the pretext of a book. ROVE: It could have been anyones gun for crying out loud! HG: Well, that is true, that is true, there's no certificate signed by Ned saying... ROVE: ...this is my gun... HG: Yeah, by the way this held up the Glenrowan bank. Be that as it may, the idea is that it was just a starting point for the book. Ideas about Sydney, the games, personalities...I think that the games are about personalities, unfortunately I havn't been able to get the current ticket fiasco in there because the book was printed a long time ago. But, I'm hoping to write a book about the ticket fiasco which will probably be a lot bigger book. ROVE: Are you looking forward to the Olympics? HG: I am. I think it's going to be a fantastic time to see a lot of Americans come here and think they have gone to somewhere called Austria and be amazed at how well we speak english! I think that thats' going to be the most important thing...and I was thrilled the other night. I don't know whether many people saw, but there was an opening of the Fox Studios in Sydney, which was obviously part of the Olympic Games buildup, and they got Shirley Jones out here! Shirley Jones! what a star, what a superstar! I don't think she's had a gig for the last 15 years, but somebody in Fox remembered Shirley Jones...ah...Partridge Family, David Cassidy's mum...I know this is probably lost on a lot of the audience...but back in the days when Bert Newton... ROVE: ...Danny Bonnaduci.... HG: Indeed, indeed, well remembered. Back then when Bert and Don ruled in this studio here. Around the world, people forget that, peace in the world, 1969, there was a show called "The Partridge Family". No other great star could make it come, except for Charlie Sheen, and he was here for other reasons. Having said that, Charlie was here, and Shirley Jones was here, Shirley bloody Jones! in Australia...Shirley bloody Jones, opening Fox Studios! How bigger does it get than that Rove? ROVE: Could we get Shirley Jones in the Partridge family bus, truck her in, the middle of the olympic stadium, and get her to light up the torch? HG: Well, that would be fabulous! ROVE: Would it be too much to ask HG? HG: Well, I think that you've got to combine the two you've got...combine the Olympics with Fox, so they're half way there...If Charlie Sheen's gonna run the 100 metres for America in the Olympics, I think we've got a contest on our hands! ROVE: And bring in the droids...bring in 3po and r2d2! HG: r2 on the high jump, I'd love to see it ROVE: He could do it... HG: And cp30 with that funny walk going around like this all the time. I tink it's gonna be there and people then will have an idea of what they've got on their hands. Because at the moment no one in this room can remember who ran the ten thousand meters in Atlanta... ROVE: No, no idea... HG: There you go. Donovan Bailey won the 100 metres. I defy anybody else in this room to name the other seven runners in the 100 metres, apart from Linford Christie who is wll remembered because he fouled himself out of the competition. This is the problem with the Olympics...No bloody personalities...mercifully SOCOG have a few personalities there. There's Richo, Kevin Gosper, larger than life figures...Now we've got to do that for the athletes and that's where I see Fox involved. Shirley Jones, lighting the flame...what a brilliant idea! An absolute balltearer, and I know it's late at night, but it's a balltearer of an idea! ROVE: Can we go to one Antonio Sammaranch and say, we' ve got an idea...It involves Ned Kellys gun...She could light the torch with the gun! HG: Yeah, what a good idea, from the back of the bus! ROVE: From the back of the bus. We could get Rueben King Kane to back that baby in and set off the torch! HG: We just need another big name. I don't know quite how big a name I was thinking David Soul. I don't know how many people would remember David Soul. Probably too big a name to get at this late stage...That Latin music is going through the roof! ROVE: They're livin' the vida loca... HG: That's right. Thanks very much Ricky Martin, now hop back into your box! Having said that, I think we could get David Sole, if we work on it tonight...work through the night...To run the torch leg, hand it over to Shirley Jones, who's in the bus, backing it up to the ramp maybe....then she just tips it over, cause you wouldn't want to give her too much grief in terms of setitng a hard task for her. But it's all there. I think these elements are coming together...We just need the panel over here on our left to work on them...put the icing on the cake... ROVE: We can do that. We'll truck the couch in...it can be done... HG: Why don't you do a re-enactment, maybe something for next weeks show. I know it's your last show. Come back on air next year with an opening ceremony with Shirley Jones. ROVE: What about Burgo...you'd like to see Burgo in it? HG: Well, I'm very keen on getting Bug involved because I believe, you know that Baby John is our greatest living Australian! ROVE: How do you feel, I must interupt you very briefly, Sans Mo, Burgo Sans Mo? HG: The whole thing just gets better and better and better...and now his show is called "Burgos' Catchphrase", and what I'm hoping is, next year Nine have already thought it through and it's going to be "New Burgos' Catchphrase in 2000". He'll be happy to revamp and remake and like that, and as he says...it's a complicated show for somebody like me cause I want to see the twists and everything, but you've just got to say what you see and you'll end up with one million dollars! It's a tremendous show and I thinkBugo has a role and there is a role for Burgo as outlined in the book. Certainly a bery dynamic and memorable lighting of the flame. Lets face it, that's all the people remember. People remember the arrow in Barcelona and Muhummad Ali in Atlanta, but I swear they don't remember much. Thats what the Olympics are good for. ROVE: But if they remember Shirley Jones, they'd remember Burgo! HG: And they would remember them in the front of a bus. Maybe swap the roles around, you know, Shirley as the bloke, Burgo as the girl... ROVE: They could almost kiss perhaps?! HG: They could tip the torch out the side window, into the bowl that holds the flame... ROVE: Well look, if I was Micheal Knight, I'd be quakin' in my boots , you've got ideas coming out of your orifices! HG: We have, we have, there's just so many things and we just wouldn't have enough opening ceremonies to contain them all! ROVE: You're damn right! [rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] |
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