[rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] ROVE CHATS TO PETER BERNER (ROVE 1999) [this interview happened just after Rove had been confronted about being caught looking at previous guests bottoms] PETER: Did you look at my bottom...no you didn't...thanks very much! ROVE: Do you want to do that again...go right out...we'll do the whole thing properly...I'm sorry..out the door, yep, cue the music, we'll do this again...I apologise...Please welcome, he's got a cute arse...it's Peter Berner! Let me shake your hand like a gentleman. Have a seat on the nana chair! PETER: I like it. I could fall asleep and die in this chair... ROVE: Is it comfy?! Is it feeling alright!? PETER: It's very comfy, it's one of those... ROVE: I wouldn't say too much about falling asleep and dying 'cause the previous owner...well... PETER: Oh really? ROVE: yeh... PETER: Oh really, ah...we can contact them with a weejie board! ROVE: Yes, we can, now how are you?! I havn't seen you since Friday. PETER: I'm well. I'm well. I recovered nicely after the People's Choice. ROVE: Did you have a big night? You presented an award like a champion! PETER: I presented current affairs. I presented the award for the smiling assassins of Australian television, the current affairs hosts and it was fun...It was the first time I've ever been to one of those television, backslapping, geez you're a top bloke, I love you're work kind of stuff... ROVE: How did you find it on the night, the actual ceremony itself, was it alright? PETER: Yeh, I got a bit of a pain in my lower back, sort of in the third hour, but... ROVE: You were sitting in the row behind me. PETER: Row behind you... ROVE: Behind me. Well, look, you know... PETER: Well, we were in the poverty section in front of all the equipment, we couldn't actually see anything... ROVE: Right near the aisle so we could run away quickly if we had to...But, I've got to say, I think that we were probably the only people who really appreciated the big song and dance number in the middle. PETER: I liked that the way the whole thing...it started with... ROVE: Austin Powers... PETER: Austin Powers and then, almost seamlessly into Saving Private Ryan... ROVE: Yes... PETER: It was an interpretive dance number of Saving Private Ryan and if I'd have been at Omahar beach about to take on the enemy and five or six guys had leapt out, I probably would have shot them! ROVE: I believe that was an omitted line from the film...Shall we save private Ryan? [in Austin Powers voice] Yeah baby! ...just ended up on the cutting room floor... PETER: Yeah, I know it's crazy like that ROVE: Tom Hanks wouldn't have a bar of it...So how is it hosting your own television program? PETER: It's got its moments... ROVE: Do you like it PETER: Yeah, I do like it...my mums a bit proud! ROVE: Is she? PETER: Your mum's in the same prison my mums in! ROVE: Your mum's one of your biggest fans isn't she? PETER: She is my biggest fan. God bless you mum! ROVE: aww...that's sweet... PETER: You get to stand up, and crap on, really I was going to call the show Crapping On, but they wouldn't let me! ROVE: I tried it as well, but they wouldn't have a bar of it... PETER: Crapping on.dot.com... ROVE: I'd download that baby anytime! So, how close are you to your mum? How often do you get to see her? PETER: Oh, not as often as I should. ROVE: Where does she live? PETER: She lives in Sydney. ROVE: yeh... PETER: She lives in Sydney, they're good folks, my folks are still alive, they're 70 now... so you know, things are starting to fall apart, as they do...but you know that's what you expect when people get to...you know, I'm 36 and it's all clapped out on me already...but, um...they're well and good, they've both retired now and you know the kids...I've got three brothers, siblings, they're all lawyers, so I'm the only one that mum and dad were really concerned about! ROVE: They're all lawyers!? Was there any reason why you didn't get into law? PETER: Marks...marks have a lot to do with it...the inability to constuct a complete sentence. All that kind of stuff! ROVE: Do your folks, they understand all the political element of your program? PETER: Oh yes. They understand it. They're probably a bit more politically savvy than me...but they're happy with what I'm doing at the moment...you know... ROVE: Well, they're son's on the telly, how could they not be! PETER: They get nudged at bridge and people go, I saw your son...when's he gonna be on ROVE they say? ROVE: Wonder no more bridge friends, wonder no more! And, now why is it that you guys are going for the extra 2 weeks? Everyone else seems to be finishing up this week... PETER: 'Cause we're stayers, we're none of this fly by night, you know, you lot, just here for a few weeks and then off to the islands somewhere to lap it all up. Mate, I'm there for another 2 weeks, the hard yards son, yes I'm the one who, when you've all finished your HSC and down at the beach, I'm still inside reading "Picnic at Hanging Rock"! ROVE: And, what are you going to do 'cause, we'll all be putting our chairs up on our desks as you do at the end of the school year...clearing out the lockers...You'll still be there for another couple of peroiods...What are you going to do? PETER: Well that'll teach you for doing something strange like Croation as a language. Whenever you do the HSC, it's always like the people doing Croation or Yugoslavia who are doing the exams five weeks after everyone else has gone home! ROVE: You got any plans for the break, when it does happen? PETER: Not really, we're going back to Sydney and probably swat for a while in Sydney until someone offers us a place to stay and then New Years Ever be as far away from the harbour as I possibly can... ROVE: How are you finding this whole millenium thing? PETER: Well if your in Sydney for New Years this year, you're early. The millenium is not 'till next year. I don't want to be pedantic or anything, but there was no zero BC. It went from one BC to one AD...so, yeah anyway... PETE H: It will be a lot cheaper to celebrate the millenium next year PETER: No crowds, cheap fireworks, nobody will be expecting it! ROVE: Something that I want to bring up is the fact that you are a big fan of saying things with a pipe in your mouth. PETER: Oh good lord yes! ROVE: I actually have a pipe with me. Did you bring a pipe? PETER: Oh yes... ROVE: Excellent...and now, what is the reason behind this for people who don't know? PETER: Well, you see, all of a sudden when you have a pipe in your hand, all of a sudden, you become more erradite, and learnered and people sort of all of a sudden...everything you say, people go mmm yeah, he has a pipe he must know what he's talking about! ROVE: For example, like this...you know Peter...I like icecream! PETER: You see, you see! ROVE: You're right! PETER: you can say stuff like, "Blue and green should never be seen, you know unless there's a colour inbetween".... ROVE: Yes... PETER: They go, he ought to know fashion, he's got a pipe! ROVE: It's a very good call... PETER: It's a good prop this, I mean, it'll end up an addiction, but it's a prop now! ROVE: That's alright, I think it's great...pipe on! PETER: Get into it kiddies! I mean you don't have to fill it up with anything. You can buy one that blows bubbles if you really want! ROVE: I think pipes are great. Popeye smoked a pipe... PETER: ...he smoked a pipe... ROVE: ...and I'm sure on his off days, our lord jesus did as well! PETER: What do you do? You take six full days slogging your guts out to create the universe, you sit back with a couple of quiet bowls of some good pipe tobacco and just contemplate what you've done! ROVE: Exactly! PETER: Don't awwwww me, I said it with a pipe in my mouth people! ROVE: Okay, and thank you very much and enjoy your holiday, when you get it! PETER: Yes ROVE: And knock 'em dead in the next two weeks...Please thank Peter Berner! [rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] |
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