Commercial radio stations have ways of making people listen. They run competitions offering lucky listeners prizes, cold hard cash, icy cold cans of the latest American softdrinks, concert tickets and promotional t-shirts. John Romley is obsessed. He has collected more prizes from radio stations than anyone. He knows how to play the game.
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John: It's quite ironic actually, the first radio competition I won was a bit of a fluke. I was trying to dial a pizza and I got the wrong number so I just took a guess....honestly, I had no idea that "Pour some sugar on me", by Def Leppard was song number five. [All the kids are in the background sitting down at desks equiped with phones etc] Corinne : John! 2day fm, Sydney third caller - are you interested? John: Always...give me details.... Corinne: Third caller when they play "Flame Trees"... John: Okay, this is what I need. I need a firt year (?) of Flame Trees. Stat. I need a feed up on the master amp. Stat. I want the phone lines clear, no incoming calls until we hear "Flame Trees". Stat. What's it worth? Corinne: Aerosmith tickets... John: Oh, I like the sound of that... Dave: New Savage Garden cd on PMFM in Perth. They want to know about your first sexual experience. Other guy: I've got "Flame Trees" up. Corinne: You have to choose. John: I can do both. Listen up people, this is what I need. I need two free lines. Stat. I need the two station slogans on a white piece of paper in front of me. Stat. Get me on line to PMFM in Perth. Stat. Lets go people! Lets go, lets go, lets go...it's a waiting game, it's a waiting game...
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...thirteen minutes later...
John: For the last time guys, I'm not sending you cheerios. That would be unprofessional of me...never gets any easier. I remember the first time I met Richard Marx backstage. The song was "Footloose", by Kevin Bacon. I almost missed a call because I was singing the song 'cause it's such a catchy tune...Footloose, footloose everyone get... Dave: Yep, "Flame Trees" Corinne: [holding phone up] Come on dial! dial! it's been too long, come on dial ! John: Okay, one more beat, one more beat... Corinne: Come on! John: Now...it's ringing...yeah Romley, John Romley...Aerosmith tickets to ninth caller...yes! yes! yes! Other guy: I've got Perth on the line... John: Yeah, what is it? Other guy: First sexual experience. John: Ah yes, it was Tina Smith. It was behind the shelter sheds in Grade six...yeah, I felt her up over the bra becauseshe was worried about getting pregnant...
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[John is in the car, Corinne is driving] John: We're tracking down the Black Thunders. They're giving away new prize packs containing new Taco flavoured milk. It's good to get out of the office every now and then you know. There's only so many Bryan Adams triple plays you can listen to before you go a little stir crazy....I havn't got a favourite radio station, in fact I love them all evenly. Comercial radio stations these days offer so much variety - they play everything from Chisel to Barnsey, Aussie Crawl to James Reyne...the only station I refuse to listen to is Triple J. They don't have enough giveaways. I mean what's the point of a radio station that doesn't give away icy cold cans of Coke...and they don't play Billy Joel...Bingo ! Bingo! Black Thunder guy: First again John? John: That's the phrase that pays, Thunderman.
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...later that afternoon...
[there's shots of thunder and lightning etc John walks in with umbrella] John: It's pretty wild out there. How's it going? Other guy: We've got three phonelines because of the storm... Rove: I've got the emergency generator on standby... Radio announcer: I'm going to take the 7th caller now if you can name the last five songs we played, give us a call now... John: Who has the list? Corinne: Well I do, but what about the storm? You shoudn't use the phone... John: It's all about risk, now give me the gawdamn list ! Radio announcer: Caller seven on air now, who's this? John: Romley, John Romley. Radio announcer: You want to say hi to anyone John? John: No. Radio announcer: Fair enough. Now for $ 5000 cash, I need the last five songs we played in our songs from heaven marathon. Can you do it? John: I'm pretty sure I can...Heaven by the Eurogliders, Knocking on Heavens Door by Bob Dylan, Slice of Heaven By Dave Dobbyn... Radio Announcer: Two more songs left John for $ 5000... John: Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton... Radio announcer: Yes! One more John, $ 5000 here, come on buddy...you seem to be breaking up... John: I know...oh wow...the song was...Stairway to Heaven by Led Zepplin... [then lightning strikes John and the call gets disconnected at the same time *g*] Radio Announcer: Hello John, are you there John? Nup? Seems like we've lost John...next caller, Caroline...are you there?
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As a result of the electrical storm, John Romley lost his power of speech. The last words John spoke were "Led Zepplin". He now spends his days encouraging radio stations to run competitions via the internet. He still chases Black Thunders.
