[rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] THE BEARD SKETCH Dave : I really would like to take this moment to thank Channel Nine for this opportunity. For the more observant of you, you will have noticed I have a beard. Pete: You don't have to do this, you don't have to do it. Corinne: No... Dave: No Pete, I want to. For too long now, people with beards have been shunned both publicly and privately. I mean, as for media prejudice, how many newsreaders with beards? How many news weathermen with beards? How many "Price is Right" models? Beards are automatically linked with incompetence. Corinne: What are you trying to say Dave? Dave: I'm trying to say if it looks like it, smells like it and tastes like it, then call it what it is - beard discrimination. Rove: Oh Dave, I think you're getting little bit carried away. Dave: No Rove, in fact this week I decided to do something about it. On Monday I launched the national Anti Beard discrimination day. I raised awareness and funds through various activities. People could buy facke beards for $ 2, or a goatee for 75 cents. Also, people could buy "I'm just too much of a tightwad to buy a fake beard" badge. Corinne: How much was one of those little fun badges? Dave: $ 89 000... Rove: This is all a little bit silly Dave... Pete: Actually, hang on a second...am I the only one who gets the feeling that Rove isn't joining in on the National Beard Day festivities? Corinne: Yeah... Pete: I mean, where were you at the National Beard Day fun run? Corinne: ...and I don't remember seeing you at the National Beard Day egg and spoon race... Dave: ...and you certainly were'nt at the National Beard Day cutest baby competition...What's going on Rove? Why won't you support National Anti Beard Discrimination Day? Rove: I...I...I do support it... Pete: Then where's the fake beard we gave you? Corrine: Yeah, hang on a second...that's your office, that's your bin, that's our beard that we gave you in that bin... Rove: No...no...I do support it...I...um...okay, okay, alright, okay - I don't support it, I don't support National Beard Day, I don't agree with it....People with beards, hanging out in their beard only bars, stroking and grooming and running thier fingers through their luscious facial hair....just...I...I'm sorry, I've got to go (runs off the set like a girl) Dave: I'd better go after him... *************************************** (Rove is outside crying and Dave walks up behind him) Dave: Rove, are you okay? Are you crying? Rove: No, I just have something in my eye. You know Dave, when I was a kid my dad used to take me skiing in the summer...Sure, it meant there wasn't a lot of snow...but I didn't mind. We used to chop wood and toast marshmallows and sing songs we heard on the car radio on the way up. Dave: Sounds nice... Rove: Yeah, sure was Dave, sure was...I remember the day I went fishing with my father. We both fell out of the boat and I thought I wouldn't be able to swim to shore....but my dad looked me in the eye and he said, "You can do anything little Rovey, you can do anything...." Dave: Sounds nice... Rove: Yeah, sure was Dave, sure was...my dad drowned that day, but I can still remember those words...."You can do anything little Rovey, you can do anything..." He had to say it a second time, I didn't hear it the first...I had a waterlogged ear and you know what that can be like... Dave: Yes.. Rove: But those were my dads' final words to me... Dave: Rove, I never knew my dad... Rove: Dave... Dave: Yes Rove... Rove: Not now, one dad per episode... Dave: Sorry...sounds nice... Rove: Yeah sure was Dave, sure was...It's jsut that all your talk of beards tonight has brought up some emotions in me... Dave: Why now? Why here? Rove: Dave, I can't grow a beard ! Dave: Oh Rove ! *************************************** (They cut back to Corinne and Pete who are still sitting on the couch in the studio playing with one of those paper things where you say pick a colour, pick a number etc...) Corinne: Pick a colour. Pete: Purple Corinne: P.U.R.P.E.L....pick a number... Pete: Ahhhhh....96... Corrine: (not impressed) ...between one and four... Pete: Oh well, I'm not a mind reader you should have told me...ah...number 4... Corinne: You know, I'm really worried about Rove...I havn't seen him acting this strange in a long time...I havn't seen him acting this strange since that day he came into the office acting really strange...it's quite strange... Pete: Yeah, number 4 Corinne... Corinne: Look, I thin I'm going to see if he's alright, come on Pete... Pete: Yeah, I'll stay here Corinne, I'll mind the desk, that's what Rove would've wanted... ******************************************* (Dave, sitting down now with his arm around Rove) Dave: It's not your fault, who knows why some people can grow facial hair and others can't? Is it genetics or is it gods' will? You know your talents lie in other areas...you're great at making toast...you know, I'd shave my beard off forever if it meant you could have a beard for just one day... (Rove looks into Daves' eyes and they almost kiss...Corinne shows up though..,.) Corinne: Are you okay? Rove: Gosh, I must be the luckiest guy in the world...here I am in my time of need and my friends have rallied behind me...I must be the luckiest man alive, beard or no beard...Hang on, where's Pete? ********************************************** (Pete sitting on couch, still playing with the paper thingie, opens one of the sides of it...) Pete: You wear girls undies...that can't possibly be true... ********************************************* Rove: I think everythings gonna be okay...yeah...Dave, did you really mean what you said when you said what you said, about you shaving off your beard forever so that I could have a beard for just one day? Dave: Sure did Rove, sure did... Rove: Ahhhhh.... Dave: But, if I didn't convince you, I've arranged for our good friends Tripod to come in and further illustrate the point... ************************************** Tripods "Beard Song" ************************************* Dave: ...and of course Rove, you have your own television show... Corinne: ...and no one can take that away from you...************************** (They cut back to the studio where Pete is now sitting at Roves' desk) Pete: ...and, we'll be back with more HELLIAR after this.... *************************** [rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] |
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