[rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] ROVE CHATS TO GRETEL KILLEEN (ROVE 1999) ROVE : Well, lets welcome our next guest for this evening shall we? She is an accomplished writer, comedian and performer. You may have seen her on the Channel Nine Super Debates or on Simply The Best. She's here tonight to tell us about her new book, would you please welcome the delightful Gretel Killeen... [Gretel kisses Rove and she wipes her lipstick off Rove's cheek] ROVE : Have you marked me for life? Gretel : He's too young, he just can't deal with it... ROVE : Ah, don't know what I'm doin'... Gretel : What is that? That's just humiliating people...(talking about the distance the guest has to walk from the door to the desk) ROVE : Why? Gretel : It's just encouraging...Midday... ROVE : We don't say people have to run. You can walk, you could stroll, you could skip, you could get a little funny car and drive that in as well... Gretel : Next time I will... ROVE : Yeah, go on... Gretel : Alright, I will... ROVE : You're looking very casual I must say, I like that... Gretel : Yeah, I'm dressed down... ROVE : Are you feeling comfy? Gretel : Well, I thought at 1215 at night what the hell are you gonna wear? Your jarmies ? ROVE : I try sometimes but they don't let me. What've you been up to? How you doin' ? Gretel : I'm very well thankyou... ROVE : Yes... Gretel : Well, I've written a tremendous book... ROVE : That would be "Visible Pantyline"...now, I don't understand any of the jokes in there...now, I need to ask right off the top - what is a visible pantyline? As a boy, I don't get it... Gretel : Oh don't be so ridiculous! I came up with a little bit of a fabulous metaphor whilst I was in the plane... ROVE : Yes... Gretel : Wishing I was in business class...don't you think economy is just humiliating ? ROVE : It's that little curtain that they pull across and just go...haah! Gretel : Did you know when you're flying business class and you're getting off, the air hostess actually stops and prevents economy class people from leaving the plane until they're off...I say good on ya darling... ROVE : Have you flown business class? Gretel : Yes I have... ROVE : The little telly, can I just say the little telly... Gretel : Yeah, only if you're holding my book up...yep go on... ROVE : Whey do you mention the little telly..."Invisible Pantyline", your new book, Gretel Killeen... Gretel : Well, no look...the whole point is that men act, and they're either acting like they're stupid or they are... ROVE : Hey, I don't act, I make it look easy, but I'm 100%... Gretel : Hours in make up...but this is the thing.... ROVE : Okay... Gretel : No excuse me, while you just talk...while I do this...what are those things called...blobs, and then you look at them again and you see a whale... ROVE : Bulls*it test, inkblot test... Gretel : No... Rove : Um those... Gretel : Magic eye, magic eye... ROVE : Oh, you're gonna draw one of them, that might take a while... Gretel : With women you see this (holds up paper with heaps of circles drawn on it)...we need a bit of an aeriel cam, but we don't...with women you see this... ROVE : Lots of circles... Gretel : Lots of circles... ROVE : Yes... Gretel : ...but then you look again and you see a deep, beautiful and complicated person who has a great deal to contribute to the world... ROVE : Hang on ! ...maybe I need to do this thing where you make your eyes go numb...I'm sorry... Gretel : Alcohol helps...but with men, there's just that...(holds up piece of paper with just one circle on it)...that's all there is no matter how long you stare and you see, unfortunately we women think it's a magji one, but it's a blob...that's just what it is, and the only reason I mention this...just to get back to the book... ROVE : That would be "Visible Pantyline"... Gretel : Because you're feigning stupidity, because I think you've stared at a bottom or two in your day haven't you? ROVE : Oh, I look at plenty of butt... Gretel : Girls bottoms ? ROVE : Girls bottoms... Gretel : So would the visible pantyline be the visible panty lie? ROVE : I think so... Gretel : Yeah I mean, men wear g-strings... ROVE : The metaphor or the real thing ? I'm gettin' lost here... Gretel : What men here wear g-strings? Come on now - there's gotta be a couple of gay blokes here ! ....you do? show us...give us a look...I bet the top of your undies are showing...isn't that weird, like you can show the top of your undies, but you can't actually show that there's a bottom to them... ROVE : What about Anton, you're a g-string kinda guy big Anton ? [Anton: Boxer shorts mate...] ROVE : Boxer shorts ? High sperm count - I guess that is a good thing... Gretel : So, anyway it's just a fabulously catchy phrase... ROVE : What about g-strings...how, cause...I really never would...it's like an eternal wedgie isn't it ? It's gotta be...it's gotta be...now come on, from a guys perspective sometimes you just get that wedgie and it's that same just kind of aaargh... Gretel : But I was thinking if you got them engineered you could get weights added...I mean I don't know how well endowed...and I'm assuming you're ENORMOUS... ROVE : Ha. huh. ha....that's a good one... Dave : Did you swap your bio with mine again ? Gretel : So, if you were really well hung, lets just use that phrase - not that we know what that means, but if you were really well hung, you could have weights at the back because otherwise it wouldn't shift up, but if you had weights at the back, ite would tip back and I think you could wear one. ROVE : Do you wear g-strings ? Gretel : Yes, of course I do... ROVE : ...and are they comfy ? Gretel : Well compared to many things I've endured in my life like childbirth, yes... ROVE : Now, that to me...okay, now my sister has had three kids and to me, that is... Gretel : You've mentioned her a couple of times tonight... ROVE : Have I ? Gretel : Yeah... ROVE : Well, you know, she's grouse and stuff, and I always must wave to my nephew...but he doesn't quite understand the tv thing...and he gets confused, and when I wave he doesn't wave back...it's all very confusing - plus they're in Perth, 3 hours time difference...don't want to go into it...but she's had three kids and to me that is more than I could ever accomplish in my lifetime... Gretel : Yes...and go on... ROVE : More than just the physical - I just can't give birth to three kids... Gretel : You also couldn't get three roots could you !? ROVE : That is my other point...motherhood is a big deal... Gretel : Well, that wasn't my point, but yes it is a huge deal... ROVE : Is it a huge accomplishment, do you see it as a good thing? Gretel : Yes, everyday...I say oooh, you're good Gretel....I do... ROVE : ...and for those of us who don't know what "Visible Pantyline" is about... Gretel : Should I sum it up ? ROVE : Yes... Gretel : Well, I used to write for "The Australian" for a couple of years and I had a hilarious column in the magazine and so we put it together as a book... ROVE : Because it's a lot of single stories essentially... Gretel : They're columns, that's what they're called, and humour, they're humour... [Gretel drops her pen] ROVE : Lost ya pen... Gretel : Lost my pen...they're humour, and I think they're quite funny...when I was in the plane I was reading and I thought...oh gee that's a good book, who wrote it...then I realized it was me... ROVE : Who wrote that ? She should be sitting in business class ! Gretel : I am never going in economy again, you know they put the safety video on and it didn't work ! ROVE : That can never be a good thing...Is this available in stores as we speak ? Gretel : In all good bookstores... ROVE : ...and the rest of them ? Well they're just kidding themselves really...So, "Visible Pantyline", go out and get it and please thank the delightful Gretel Killeen ! [rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] |
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