[rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] CORINNE GRANT - TELLY TRAUMA - INPRESS MAGAZINE MARCH 2000 There's something wrong with my television. Every time I turn it on, all I see is crap. Crap, crap, crappitty crap. Lifestyle shows? Crap. Reality shows? Crap. Game shows? Crap. 'Above the Law'? Hideous, heinous, vile, smelly crap - and that's just the opening credits. And yea, verify, the Lord dideth sayeth: "You have wronged me and I will strike down upon thee with terrible vengeance and the unending hell of Steve Urkel". I think there shuld be mandatory sentencing for television stations. Airing a mind-numbingly shit show like 'Family Matters' is far, far worse than stealing a packet of biscuits or a few textas. Airing 'Family Matters' is worse than Snowtown or Ivan Milat or the image of John Howard nude, except for a leather g-string and riding crop, singing "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts". And the sentencing should be retrospective. Whoever was responsible for scarring this wide brown land of ours with the devils own spawn called 'Medivac' still has not been brought to justice. There are some very sick and twisted individuals out there and they're dangerous I tells ya, dangerous. Who else but the devil himself would have unleashed the horror of 'Full House' onto the world?" Those were evil, poltergeisty-looking little things and nightmares of Kimmy, the freakish high pitched rat-girl that lived next door still haunt me to this day. She was all teeth and knee joints and bad clothing that girl. She was like a cross between Punky Brewster and Chucky from 'Childs Play'. Television is bad, well not all of it. 'Buffy' is OK. I like 'Buffy'. Well, I liked it when Angel was in it anyway. Angel was better in 'Buffy' than in his own show. Now he just mopes around, whingeing and whining and looking like someone just asked him to give Kim Beazley a sponge bath. Sure, all he did in 'Buffy' was mope around as well, but he tended to get his shirt off more often back then. The producers of 'Angel' got it all wrong. He shoudn't have been a detective vampire, he should have been a stripper vampire. With nipple tassles. People would watch that. Mind you, I'd also watch 'Sports Tonight' if Tim Webster was replaced by a singing tortoise, so I may not be a very good judge of these things. I just want some decent television viewing, at all hours of every day of every week. Is that too much to ask? Well probably, but I'm bloody well asking anyway. I don't want to turn on my TV and watch a show called 'The Mole'. Mind you, if they'd called it 'The Scrag' instead, I might reconsider. I'm getting desperate. If someone doesn't fix this situation soon, I'll be forced to turn the telly off and get a life. And that would be crap. [rove home] [rove episode guide] [rove transcripts] [rove/pete/corinne/dave pics] |
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