Something’s very wrong at Ratcat headquarters. It looks like Simon, Andrew and Amr have had too much red cordial to drink with their lunch, ‘cause they’re in an extremely batty mood. Trish Pavone enters their den with trepidation and discovers they have more than the odd marble missing…

Ratcat seem to have had overnight success. Where did you spring from?

Andrew : We were drag racing in the Barrier Reef, which is actually Balmoral Beach (A Sydney harbourside beach). Simon ran over me, bought me a drum kit and then we ran into Amr when we were driving underwater…

Simon : He was chasing the sharks around…

Andrew : I was being chased by a shark and then Joey (their manager, who was diving from the high driving board, dived right down and scared the shark away, so we thought this guy must be good so we got him to be our manager…

Amr : And he’s still scaring away sharks to this day!

Andrew : Yeah, and he had the best tan of anyone on the beach.

Simon : And since then we’ve been driving uphill in the pubs, till now, where we’ve reached the top of the hill. We’ve had a couple of singles in the Top Five, a Number One album and we’re still cruisin’.

Let’s get serious for a minute and tell us where you were all born?

Andrew : Amr was a nomad and he walked straight out of the operating room and round the hospital and had a good look around…

Amr : They didn’t even cut the umbilical cord. My mum was in a lot of pain. As I got further away from her she was screaming…

Simon : And then in the end they just pulled the umbilical cord and they stuck him back in for a couple more days hahaha!

Andrew : And they let him oujt again a few days later hahaha!

Simon : I was conceived in an aeroplane at about 339 000 feet, on the way to Brazil while my parents were on holidays, working holiday that is hahaha! They were nine months gone and I was born on the way down, coming home, so I’ve got a worldwide passport…

Andrew : I was born in the Amazon and raised by tigers and monkeys…(I think he’s been watching E Street too much - Ed.)

Simon : He was stolen away by monkeys.

Hmmm…that’s not quite what we meant by serious.

Simon : Okay, I was born in Sydney, in the Crown Street Hospital on the 6 June, 1966.

Andrew : I was also born in Sydney, but not at the same Hospital as Simon. It was the Armada Hospital in North Sydney and I was born a healthy baby…

Simon : He was born naked!

Andrew : My date of birth is whatever you’d like it to be! Any day. 1800’s wasn’t it?

Simon : Oh yeah, sorry. We forgot he’s a vampire!

Amr : He can’t be photographed - his picture won’t come out on film. I was born May 16th, 1968 and I was born at King George V Hospital at Camperdown (in Sydney)

Did you all grow up in Sydney then?

Simon : Yep, well I did.

Amr : Yes, all of us!

Simon : Oh, I spent a couple of years in America from when I was 13 to about 15. I liked it there, it’s a crazy place but unfortunately I haven’t been back. I’m looking forward to going back, hopefully before the end of the year for a tour. Let other countries know that we’re alive!

Are you popular in any countries, other than Australia?

Andrew : We’re huge in Japan hahaha!

Simon : I had about three Japanese girls come and get my autograph and take pictures of me the other day. They said, “When are you going to come to Japan?” (in a pathetic attempt at a Japanese accent). And that was very nice, so we’re kinda hoping to get a release in Japan.

Andrew : I think that, basically, we’re going to tour areas where we know that the food is good. Like Spanish food…

All : Japanese food…

Andrew : Thai food.

Simon : I’d like to go to France and eat chocolate covered ants!

What was the first band you played in?

Simon : When I was at school I played in a band called The Cry Babies, but they split up after about eight months. I was the lead singer but I didn’t actually play guitar then. I didn’t learn until I was about 16. No, hold on, it must have been 15 ‘cause I was in the States when I got my first guitar.

Andrew : I played in two bands - one called The Bedspreads, who played at our manager’s 21st birthday party, and a band called The Vegetable Butchers. I was drummer in both those bands.

Simon : Once a dwummer, always a dwummer! (Simon slurs)

Amr : I started playing in bands when I was at school. I was in a music class and there were only about four or five people in it…

Andrew : Is that because you were in it? Hahaha!

Amr : Ha ha ha…ha! It was because the teacher wasn’t a very popular teacher. Anyway, we had to get together to do this performance thing and I played piano because I didn’t know how to play bass then. We wanted to keep the band together but the band said, “No, we want a guitar player. You have to learn how to play bass” so I learnt to play it and then I joined another band!

Do you hang out together when you’re not “working”?

Simon : Yeah, when we’re on tour, but not when we’re back in Sydney…

Amr : We veg out in front of the TV at our own houses.

Simon : We go to clubs mostly, the races, casinos. Casinos are good.

Andrew : We like gambling a lot. Roulette is our game. We don’t go to the movies together or anything like that. Simon eats all the popcorn if you do that.

Simon : I love it, can’t get enough of the stuff!

What’s a typical Ratcat fan like?

Simon : Intense! Do we have groupies and girls following us from place to place?

Andrew : Hordes of them - can’t you see them outside, “Ahh Simon!”. They’re all out there, down there.

Simon : We had some girls travel from Adelaide to Melbourne to see us two weekends in a row once. They kinda drove to Melbourne from Adelaide then went home, did their job for a week and then came back the next weekend. So, they’re loyal.

Andrew : They’re either loyal or stupid hahaha!

Do you answer all your fan mail?

Andrew : I answer it! Every single one personally. We send our fans as many little goodies as we can. As many as we can fit in the Post Pak. (Before you ask, Ratcat don’t yet have a bona-fide fan club) Basically I think we’re going to be starting some sort of little club up where we’re going to have a newsletter and we’ll encourage people to write little poems and draw pictures and send them to us. We’re not actually going to run it, but we’ll still be writing as well.

Who’s the comedian in the band?

Simon : Don is the comedian. Andrew’s nickname is Don - Damage Don. He’s the funniest guy. He’s always got a quick, smart remark.

How would you describe Simon and Amr, Andrew?

Andrew : Amr is a nomad and he is an extremist. Simon is a social and intellectual chameleon.

Simon : Don’s the joker with a streak of black humour in him and Amr is definitely a nomad with fanatical tendencies.

Amr : What am I fanatical about?

Andrew : What isn’t he fanatical about!

Simon : Whatever he does, he does it with a passion.

Amr : I agree with that. Andrew’s got a well worn repertoire of jokes and Simon always laughs at them.

Simon : Thanks Amr!

Do you get on well together when you’re touring?

Andrew : Famously.

Simon : Famously…most of the time. Do we argue? Sure!

Andrew : Very rarely. When we argue we get right to the point then we damage things.

Simon : There’s no beating around the bush, we like to get it out in the open and get down.

Andrew : I’ll tell you about three incidents on behalf of Simon and Amr as well as myself. I got home after clubbing in Melbourne one night and I didn’t have my hotel door key and it was freezing and I didn’t want to sleep outside in the carpark, so I charged the door basically and the door snapped - I had to pay for it, of course. Amr chucked a bit of a tizzy in Brisbane and did the kick-the-drink-rider-trick. Red wine went all over the carpet, he smashed the coffee table, everything went flying - even the glass out of my hand! As for Simon, once he poured bourbon and Sultana Bran in Amr’s bag, on top of his immaculately folded clothes hahaha!

Do you have any performance rituals?

Simon : No, not really. We sit around and tell each other jokes.

Andrew : We have a couple of quiet bourbons .

Simon : Don has a couple of stiff bourbons and I join him hahaha!

Andrew : Yeah, we sit around and have a couple off stiff bourbons, we talk and we get changed into our gear and gather our thoughts…

Amr : And we sing the national anthem…

Simon : And then we head-butt each other hahaha!

Andrew : Do a backflip, run around in circles and then do a headstand on a chair and then speak in tongues aghaghaghagblahblahblah hahaha!…for 15 minutes, then we do somersaults onto the stage hahaha!

What’s the best thing about being in Ratcat?

Simon : It’s a good job. It’s an enjoyful occupation. You can travel countries and sing and play instruments and people pay us for it.

Do you want to do it for the rest of your life?

Simon : I don’t know if Ratcat will last forever, but music will , and it’s definitely a good occupation to be in.