# My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
# Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
# Dear School: Please exscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30,31, 32, and also 33.
# Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
# Excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
# John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
# Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
# Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered byvery close veins.
# Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
# Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
# Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre)(dyrea)(direathe) the shits.
# Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
# Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
# Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
# I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because Idon't know what size she wear.
# Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
# Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
# My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
# Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
# Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
# Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
# Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
# Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

QUESTIONS...

# If you take an oriental person and spin him around, does he become disorientated?
# If people from Poland are called "Poles", why arn't people from Holland called "Holes"?
# If a pig loses its' voice, does it become disgruntled?
# If love is blind, then why is lingere so popular?
# When someone asks you for "a penny for your thoughts", and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
# Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
# Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
# Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
# If horrific means horrible, dosn't terrific mean terrible?
#Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

THINGS THAT SOUND RUDE IN THE OFFICE THAT AREN'T MEANT TO...

10. I need to whip it out by five.
09. Mind if I use your laptop?
08. Just stick it in my box.
07. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
06. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!
05. Hmmmm....I think its' out of fluid
04. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish
03. It's an entry level position
02. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
01. It's not fair - I do all the work while he just sits there!!!