Can Sex workers have “genuine” relationships? By Jessie Abraham

Recently a friend of mine needed to prove to immigration that her relationship was genuine- now that happens all the time – but imagine if you were also honest about your employment and your employment was genuine, your relationship was genuine and you have to now “prove” that being a sex worker and having a loving and meaningful relationship can exist- no he/she is NOT a client or was a client and even if you met them as a client- its no one else’s business really.

Immigration seem to be worried and wanting to know that you’re not marrying your husband/ wife from another country for money, travel, or any other beneficial reason other then love- yes pure love.

Men can love whores. Women can love whore. Trans can love whores. Whores can love.. well everyone! yes we are human!

It's a fact: Men can be totally head over heels in love with a whore- I’ve seen it with my own eyes! Yes! Even if she/he has sex/ spends time with other men/women for money. It's a job. Some men love people in the sex industry and some people even want us to have their children. Sex workers are compassionate and amazing humans. Who can also be beautiful mums, dads, aunties and uncles.

A lot of men love whores because they can be the most compassionate people on this earth- they also can be empowered, independent, not clingy or needy, most don’t ask you for money since they have their own, are open and experimental in bed so you don’t get bored, some are funny, considerate, have amazing life experiences and stories to tell, have travelled the world or the country and have great negotiation skills, life skills, survival skills, communication skills, some are great at time management and boundaries- sex workers became fantastic with switching hats or rather wigs in this case. - did I mention that most sex workers are really comfy with being naked?? yup a partner that has body confidence-SCORE!

Most Sex workers are intuitive, perceptive, protective, supportive, encouraging, helpful, caring, home loving, ( or hotel hating cause we spend much time in hotel rooms- not matter how flash they are!) devoted and dependable, imaginative, sensitive, self reliant, Compassionate and nicer than EVERYONE ELSE.... lol ok ... I admit.... thats actually what a magnet says that cancerians are.. and I'm a cancerian and I believe all of those traits... but it's also how I think of many of the sex workers I know. ( I know know many sex workers!)

Sex work is simply acting. It's a job. Sometime you enjoy aspects of your job. Sometimes you hate aspects. Sex workers need to know what to say to when and you need to lie outta your teeth sometimes in the bedroom “Yes!!! that feels WHORE-SUM- I’m going to have a WHORE-GASM” – actually no I can’t feel your tiny thin pecker at all, but it’s better than a huge 10 inch cock knocking my cervix into my ribs- what is going on in your head.. but all smiles!

As a sex worker, it’s not actually about me- it’s about you and the $300 sitting in my bag/ freezer/safe/ between some pages in a book....... that you paid me that will pay my rent/ bills/dealer/ my children’s school fees or that pretty dress I saw on the way here- whatever I CHOOSE to spend my money on.

Just because we are sex worker doesn’t been we don’t know how to give and receive love.

I used to think that I’m “too complex, too HARD to love” But I didn’t even want anyone else to “ feel burdened about my lust, my craziness, my lifestyle, and what to actually do if you have fallen in love with a sex worker- and all the emotions that go along with it” or “it’s just too complicated- too hard” with these thoughts brought on by one toxic relationships one after another- I didn’t feel deserving of love- that wasn’t because I was a whore- it’s because I was hanging around with losers that I attracted when I was young inexperienced with what GOOD love was about!

I didn’t really give myself a good chance to experience what real love was all about. But TRUST OPENNESS...HONESTLY is incredibly important in any relationship, let alone a relationship that involves a sex worker. No one is perfect, but if people treat each other with compassion.. and respect.. good things will happen ;)

What is love? Well since its 2009 I googled the question what is love and wikipedia.org showed me this answer:

As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person.

Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of families and platonic love to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

A favorite description of love is from the movie Captain Corelli's Mandolin:

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two." -St. Augustine

In other words: do they make your tummy dance when you receive a text message from them?

Does you heart rate increase when your around them?

When you spend time together you make a great team?

Do you spend time day dreaming about the future with them?

Do they make you smile and make you feel good about yourself?

Do they take the time to spend time with you and communicate their wants, needs and feelings when they do spend time with you?

What does it mean when your boyfriend/ girlfriends/ transfriend is actually ok with your work- some people would say “How can you “let her/him” do it?” Because clearly your partner loves you FOR YOU and understands it’s simply a job like any other job.

Do you respect and admire their qualities so much.. you only want them to be happy?

Most sex workers are the most compassionate and empathetic humans on earth! Why do you think that so many nurses are sex workers and the high number of sex workers that also are qualified to work with people with disabilities/ elderly/youth workers ? Like myself, (I have certificates in Disabilities/Youth worker/ community education)

I’ve been told time and time again, while I was paraplegic care worker, “I was special, only a special person could do that job- you know dealing all those bodily functions and needing A LOT of patience, dealing with so many behaviour issues”

So why the hell has not ONE person said that to me about being a sex worker?

Not anyone can be a sex worker you know!

Sex workers make wonderful partners, If you understand its just work.

If you don’t like the norm, like to be kept on your toes, if you like giving and receiving amazing massages, have open minded sex, maybe since sex workers are very good at boundaries you may be lucky to do the things that “other” partners won’t do- but one thing I can guarantee – ummm well since sex workers are all different types of people I can’t think of something I can guarantee- other than you will have the time of your life and even simply knowing a sex worker and understand their work and life choices WILL make you a better person :)

So the verdict is.... Yes Immigration crew- past and present Sex workers can give and receive love and also be fab souls xx Also they can be amazing long term partners, mothers and fathers and aunty and uncles...