Paul Mc Dermott

Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. That's why Pauline Hanson is so happy - she doesn't realise how truly stupid she is. Everyone is born ignorant, just some of us are more ignorant than others. Lets look at...America, the greatest nation on earth, but you couldn't say the brightest could you? The debate is going to be a lot more quicker and simpler if we just generalise, okay? Americans are stupid. I mean, this is the nation that gave you cheese in a can. 87% believe that Elvis Presley is still alive...65% of them believe that Jesus was an alien. 15% of them believe they've been sodimised by a ghost....and at least 39 of them, all wearing black Nikes, have gone to join a spaceship in the tail of a comet. I mean, hey - Just do it!

In America, an executive decsion is choosing beteen Coke and Pepsi. And, the truth is out there, and as far as the Americans are concerned, it can stay out there, and thats why they're so happy. Hillary Clinton once said, "It takes a village". I say it takes a village idiot...and he became president. In Australia, we will never be happy, as long as we have these bloody minded intellectuals tellling us that we are the clever country. But, we don't want to be the clever country. We want to be the country without a clue. Because ignorance is bliss, and luckily we are not the only ones that believe it. Thank god our government finally believe it too...and that's why they're doing everything they can to ensure that we are the most blissful nation on earth.

Now, Forrest Gump told a generation of Americans it was fine to be stupid. Amanda Vandstone has said the same thing to us, and kids, "Life is like a box of chocolates". But what if? What if we were never educated? What if we just remained the the animals that god intended? I mean, then life would be a lot of sex and death, and death and sex...so not that different for me really, but for some of you out there tonight, quite different. Now please, just for a second, try if you can, try to imagine what it would be like to be like to be more ignorant...don't try this mate, you know if you were any more stupid, you'd be a fish.

If you're more ignorant, you could pretend that Jeff Kennett was human. Is it just me, or does he look like Alf? If you were ignorant, you could enjoy the Super League, you'd believe Alan Bond, you'd seek advice from Rose Hancock, Darryl Somers would be witty. You'd think the Bananas in pyjamas were just good friends. How many of you have seen that film, "Babe"? That pig, that pig was unaware that it was just leg ham and middle rashers, and that's what made it strong. George Orwell once said...ah, there you go, George Orwell, see that? See that? George Orwell, Animal Farm, Babe, Babe, Animal Farm, Napolean, a pig in a pen, a pig in a poke - it all relates. George Orwell once said that war is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength. Ignorance is strength, and that pig proved it, that fu*king little pig proved it! So what if a pig rolls around in its own shit - small price to pay for happiness.

Now, out of everyone I've mentioned so far, who is the happiest? Who is the happiest? The Bananas in Pyjamas, Babe, and Forrest Gump - Two men who think they're bananas, a pig that thinks it's a dog, and a man who thinks he's a box of chocolate. Now, I'm not saying that we should start burning books...we burn the televisions first, then we burn the books, then we give each other orbital labotomys, and then, then we go and join the others who are waiting for us, in the spaceship, at the back of the comet...with Jesus, and Elvis...Just do it! Yes, the truth is out there - lets keep it out there. The way ahead is through ignorance, ask anyone, just ask them slowly. Thankyou.

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Well, well there's been a bit of magic on stage tonight, ladies and gentlemen. A bit of bloody magic. I don't know if you noticed that point in the show where everybody descended into a wild frenzy of sexuality. Where women made passionate love to women, when men discovered their latent homosexual urges were no longer latent. Where both teams interlocked like lego blocks, and dry humped until I spilt my seed inside the inside of my strides. I'm not afraid to tell ya that I discovered something - I like to watch. So, it hasn't been a bad day for me.

Now, we did have some very interesting arguments put forward by the opposition team. Greg Proops came out and Greg is an intelligent, articulate American - the exception that proves the ruleas we saw later with Rich Hall. But one thing that baffles me is why attack the bloody Swedes? Rhona Cameron, she dumped her emotional baggage onto us, and she raved on about intolerance and prejudice. Well of course she would, she's a lesbian. Need I say more? Always the same sort of rubbish from these sort of people isn't it? (Rhona heckles him - couldn't make out what she said though) Well, I tell you what, you might find a bit of happiness if you find a nice young man and settle down darlin'. Am I right? With all this lesbian stuff, you have to think a bit too much about the love making. By jingo, I still can't figure out how they do it...and I've been thinking a lot.

And finally, Rich Hall, who told us, "It's got nothing to do with countries, we're all guilty of the advertising, not just America. We're all responsible for advertising." Well, you know of course an American would say that wouldn't they? And speaking of old people, my grandmother died blissfully ignorant. Blissfully ignorant. I can remember her last words to me. She said, "Don't worry, it's not loaded." (On the back of the papers he's reading his notes from is written 'WE'RE THE BEST') and I learned a very valuable lesson then that even a small calibre rifle can really take apart a geriatrics head. (On the back of the papers he's reading his notes from is written 'VOTE FOR US')and my mother learnt that bloodstains and bits of brain gristle are very difficult to remove, even with the big brand name powders.

I've got to say something my father said to me when I was a young boy, he said, "You know, you tried your best, but at the end of the day your best wasn't good enough." (looks at the negative team when he says this). I just want to leave you with this last thought...I never want to be smart enough to realise that life is not worth living. (On the back of the papers he's reading his notes from it says, "BUT BECAUSE OF THE KINDNESS OF THE AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE, THEY WILL WIN) I want to remain ignorant and live a long, happy, blissful life - because ignorance is bliss.