Anthony Morgan

Some of you may have seen me scribbling furiously at the table. That wasn't just scribble. This is my argument. (holds up big board with pictures on it of each team member) I did a drawing of it. Cause see that's our team, we aren't thinking about anything. Big smiley, see. Now look, that's them. Look at all the muck they're thinking about. Very grumpy. Very grumpy. Very, very grumpy, see and see on the happy, ignorant people (points at the pictures he drew) they've all got great big, healthy penises see - even Judith! Big healthy penis, and look at these bitter, twisted little penises over here. (points at the pictures he did of the other team). So, pretty much, that's my argument we just have to stand here till she rings the bell now. Should be kind of fun. I'm having a good time.

Alright, I wrote down some talking stuff as wellso you're getting the full gamut. I tell you, when the average Australan male turns 16, he starts drinking like a fish. Just drinks two slabs of beer a day, no matter what he's on. Stupid. I don't know why. I think it's just some Australian thing. Decide we're old enough and just drink and drink and drink and drink and throw up. Well, most people stop. I never stopped doing that. I said, "Oh bugger I'm gonna keep on, see what happens." Well, you get brain damage, and you never, ever, ever get bored cause you can't remember hardly anything. Every day's a big adventure. Sometimes I go down to the shop to get the paper and then realise that I'm in my pyjamas and I've accidentally caught the train to Geelong. Just thinkin', "...aright, I'll have a look around Geelong while I'm here"

Cause, I did give up once. I gave up for two years once. You know, alcohol's an anaesthetic, it puts the brain to sleep so after ten years, I stopped (Anthony's mobile phone rings) whoops! I forgot to turn my phone off..."Hello? Yeah...I think I'm on the telly...yeah, I think so, it seems to be going okay...remember the drawing I did? Well, they liked that...anyway, I'll see you later probably...where? Hey! Don't hang up - where? Damn" I gave up after 10 years of just drinking like a 16 year old - for two years and the anaesthetic property of alcohol wore off, and my brain started working again. I started noticing things like: the trams were a different colour - and they were hermetically sealed and baby gorillas had been born - at the zoo. Jeff Kennett was the Premier of Victoria - it was a nightmare! And there's so much of that so called knowledge is stuff that you just don't want to know and I knew that these two (looks at the opposition team) thought there was three of you...but then (looks at his team) I thought there were three of us as well (Rhona and Judith return to the stage. Rhona says "Sorry, go on.") Oh fine, fine. I don't know what they were doing, but I'm very happy that they were doing it. So, just in conclusion, I'm happy.