Dave Hughes - standup transcript

Thankyou, thankyou. Thanks for coming along. It's great. How you goin'? Goin' well? Good stuff. It's all happening. Nice day today wasn't it? Yep. Wasn't that hot. But the other day it was hot...so, lets go with the other day. When it's hot, people tell you it's hot don't they? Everyone tells you it's hot you know? Like you don't know. I went into a service station, bought a couple of newspapers. It was my choice. What I wanted to do. But, I went up to the counter. The girl behind the counter said, "It's hot". I said, "You're spot on - what are you doing working here?" I didn't actually say that at all. I said, "Yeah you're right". It was great though. Then she says to me, "Oh, you be careful out there." I said, "Thanks for that because I was about to douse myself in petrol and climb the fireball tower at Crown Casino. Now you've told me to be careful, I'll go home and put a singlet on.

Talking about Crown Casino, what about the aquarium? Yeah, it's right next to the Casino. Well placed I reckon. It's new, and it's well placed. It's like, you can lose your life savings at the Casino and think, "What do I do now?" I know. Lets go look at some fish. On the day it opened, they interviewed a woman on the Channel 7 News that night. I swear to god, this is what she said, "Oh, I was there today with my kids. We saw a lot of different coloured fish, and we loved it. We don't think we're ever gonna see anything like it ever again". I felt like ringin' her up and goin', "Just go again tomorrow, alright?" It's an aquarium. They're not gonna swim away. They're there till they die, and then they'll get some similar ones in. They've got a fish and chips shop attached to the aquarium. I think that's classy you know. That's an incentive for the fish to keep swimming. As soon as they slow down, they're rolled into batter, and in the deep fryer they go.


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