Margaret Scott

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the Town Hall. The topic today is "All's fair in Love and War". With the "Good News Week" team set to do battle with the rest of the world. Two Scotts and an American, and that's pretty apt really. Because, nowadays wherever you go, be it Tasmania or Tanzania, you'll find in every little settlement two Mc Donalds, and the cast of "Baywatch". On then to battle, and to the first speaker for the affirmative, Rich Hall. Rich is an emmy award winning writer and stand up comic, with a string of credits in Britain and America. "The Age" has described him as "grouchy", and "bastard", but also as a "genius". Here then, to argue first that all's fair in love and war is Rich Hall.

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Paul Mc Dermott insists that the story of him spending a whole weekend strapped to a table while close friends scoured his genitals with a cheese grater is a filthy libel. He's fiesty , he's a heart throb. To open the case for the negative, the one and only Paul Mc Dermott.

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Lynn Ferguson trained at the Royal Scottish Academy of music and drama, not she says a great time for her. "I was a big girl in those days and had to do all the fat character roles. (Lynn points at Paul and says, "Did you write this?" Paul stands up and points at Margaret...and then Lynn chases him all around the stage and sort of beats him up...Lynn, "Who wrote this? Can I just say, the pubic hair...it's okay, that's okay...but the fat stuff...I'll break your little wrist!") I um, I did tell them about the cheese grater you must remember that. Margaret says to Paul, "Sit down!" Will you let me go on? (Lynne, "Olay, but if you say that fat once...) I was going to say...she's big still...big in London theatre and television. The redoubtable Lynn Ferguson.

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When Julie Mc Crossin was just a slip of a girl, her brother Fred told me he couldn't help her with the washing up because that would set a dangerous precedent...he might have to do it again. Who better than to speak as second opponent for the motion "All's fair in love and war", other than the very vocal, the very visible - Julie Mc Crossin.

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Phil Kay is a mecurial Scottsman, who thinks on his feet. So, here as the mercury rises to new heights, to bring the case for the affirmative to the boil, the touchy feely, keep you guessing, Phil Kay.

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Love, said the poet Virgil, carries all before him. Mikey Robbins certainly does...though he's got a good deal behind him as well. Built like a tank, but quicker and more deadly than a stealth jet, here to wind everyone and everything, the adorable Mikey Robins.

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Well, ladies and gentlemen, we've now heard from both sides and it only remains for the rebuttals. First, we're going to hear from the negative side from Paul Mc Dermott, and he'll be followed by Rich Hall.

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To decide now which of these two...I hardly would call them teams...singing, dancing, kidnapping, rubbles, has won the day...by acclaimation, show your opinion of the rest of the world - for the affirmative...and now, for the Good News Week team for the negative. Well, I have to choose between having my wrist broken, and Pauls' sister going up in smoke...I think it's a draw.