Lynn Ferguson

(says to Paul) Right. Can I just say to start with, like just to clear things up right. I didn't appreciate the pubes thing right, because that implies that you may have seen them...and, can I just say, I've been drunk in my time Paul, but never that drunk. Now, what I thought I'd talk about, right is love, right? Cause that's the thing that women most of all generally sit around with big cakes and Thins packs and all that and go, "oooh, love is so unfair". Right? (MIkey leans over to talk to Paul). If you carry on chatting behind me, I'm going to punch you.

What happens on a first date? On a date right, a man finds you...see, he'll ask you out right, he'll say, "Oh sweetheart, come for a meal." Right. So then he'll take you out for a meal and a meal and a meal and a meal and a meal...and then he'll dump you for being a fat bastard. I'm a little bit bitter on that one.

Also, there's the thing where they say, "Oh you know, it's not fair for women. You have to look good, you have to smell good...you have to do things to your naturally blonde hair. Women say, "Why don't men appreciate us? Why do we have to look good, right? Why should we look good for a man? Why can't you just understand our minds? Right? It's like that, most women would prefer to be beautiful rather than intelligent, becaue most men can see better than they can think.

Right, I'm in a long term relationship right, I'm Scottish, and my other half is English. Right. Now, this is good because it means I've always got a reason to hate him. Yeah, very very simple. No arguments. Very simple. "Darling, whos turn is it to do the dishes?"..."Well, it's yours of course."..."Why is it mine? I always have to do the dishes."..."Why do I have to do the dishes?"..."Fourteen centuries of oppression, that's why you do it"

Who decides what is fair? If things are not fair in love and war, who's the guy that says, "This is not fair?" Is it a (?) wearin' sandals and eating grapes? Is it some wee guy in Australia (looks at paul) who does a lot of that in his act? Who decides what's not fair? Don't talk to me about compassion. Compassion is understanding that people in the world have different opinions and the right to decide for them what is fair. So, you have to vote for us 'cause all's fair in love and war.